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Ode to a Burrito

Unfortunate Cooking

Come for the delicious recipes. Stay for the terrible story.

Ode to a Burrito

Lynley Jones

This week, we present a poem by an unknown author, with some helpful back-to-school advice.

Return to A Series of Unfortunate Recipes: Season 2 homepage.

Ode to a Burrito

A burrito is the noblest lunch,

An edible package, delicious to munch.

Carefully cradled and carried to work

Then tragically shared with a red-headed jerk.

I'm sorry, kind Sir, or Senorita,

This rhyme contains references to Carmelita.

It's also got Olaf, I'm sorry to say.

So it really is terrible. (Why do you stay?)

A couplet might help in a time of duress,

When you cannot avoid a certain girl in a dress.

A hairnet might also be useful to you.

And plans for escape. A taxicab, too.

When villainy lurks at your given school,

Remember to follow this platinum rule:

Whenever your lunch includes a burrito

At some point you may need to go incognito.

- Author Unknown


To my kind Webmaster,

I am haunted by the terrible events surrounding Larry, Your Waiter at Prufrock Preparatory School. It is my desperate hope that my research might help other burritos avoid such a wretched fate. 

 This is a photograph of the actual burrito Larry carried with him to Prufrock Preparatory School on that fateful day, seen here among the detritus of his backpack. (Detritus is a word which here means, "the remnants of his Lake Lachrymose culinary career, and other assorted paraphernalia.") 

This is a photograph of the actual burrito Larry carried with him to Prufrock Preparatory School on that fateful day, seen here among the detritus of his backpack. (Detritus is a word which here means, "the remnants of his Lake Lachrymose culinary career, and other assorted paraphernalia.") 

I am enclosing the Beef & Bean Burrito recipe I have pieced together from my research, as well as photographs that may or may not have been acquired from a certain vault at the Netflix corporation. Please post this information here, so that other burritos might enjoy a less treacherous fate.

With all due respect,

Lynley Jones, Proprietress

Recipes

NEXT WEEK:  

A Cakesniffer-Free Zone

Return to A Series of Unfortunate Recipes homepage.

If you were going to give a gold medal to the most dreadful school cafeteria on Earth, you would have to read about it in this book first. There is no other reason to subject yourself to this: