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Peppermints and a Desperate Letter

Unfortunate Cooking

Come for the delicious recipes. Stay for the terrible story.

Peppermints and a Desperate Letter

Lynley Jones

Return to A Series of Unfortunate Recipes homepage.

To my kind webmaster,

Violet, Klaus and Sunny Baudelaire, during their time at boarding school. This photograph was most likely taken by a Netflix henchperson. 

I am writing to you from inside the cafeteria kitchen of Prufrock Preparatory School, where I am using the metric system to find the dimensions of the enormous lasagna pans used to make the lunches the Baudelaire orphans were forced to eat without silverware. I have attached a photograph of Violet, Klaus and Sunny Baudelaire from their time at boarding school, as well as a recipe for Peppermint Pretzel Bark, which can be used in case of emergency.

On Thursday morning, please go to the Dostoyevsky Diner and sit in the fourth booth from the door on the left-hand side. Order black coffee, pancakes and kiwi fruit. After the food arrives, excuse yourself, walk to the bathroom and climb out the window. In the alley behind the diner, you will find my associate waiting for you in a roadster, with a box of cereal in the glove compartment.

After you have eaten the cereal, you will find hidden in that box a menu from Cafe Salmonella, a jar of enchilada sauce, several alphabet noodles, and a recipe for tom ga kai. You will also find my descriptions of Carmelita Spats, jailhouse food, questionable surgical procedures, the eating habits of hungry lions, and a library book about the history of in foods in southeast Asia called, How In is Indonesia?

I will write more in the next season. Until then, please remember, you are my last hope that delicious food can again be enjoyed by the general public.

With all due respect,

Lynley Jones, Proprietress, Adventure Kitchen


RECIPE

Emergency Peppermint Bark

Dark chocolate, white chocolate, pretzel crisps and peppermint candies, all melted together to form a delicious way to avoid falling into the clutches of a villain.

Break in case of emergency. (Eat in case of Count Olaf.)

You have reached the final post in this dreadful series.

Most people would be happy with that. But if for some reason you enjoy terrible experiences, you can re-traumatize yourself by visiting the Series of Unfortunate Recipes homepage.

At your local library, you can find books about the charming exploits of adorable schoolchildren who get into all sorts of harmless mischief and then go home to a delicious dinner served by loving parents. Unfortunately, you can also find these books: