Mr. Remora's Bananas
Lynley Jones
This week, we explore the misuse of bananas, the proper use of apostrophes, and a tragic lack of library resources.
Return to A Series of Unfortunate Recipes: Season 2 homepage.
Institutions of Learning
When I attended a certain preparatory institution in my youth, I learned many things. I learned to measure a raw chicken breast according to the metric system. I learned that some children can be horridly obnoxious, and at times, obnoxiously horrid. I learned that a library is like an island in the middle of a vast sea of ignorance, particularly if the library is very tall and the surrounding area has been flooded.
When I later studied to become the protocol assistant to a zookeeper in Madagascar, I learned the importance of avoiding serious grammatical errors. I learned that there are times when a comma or apostrophe can change the meaning of an entire sentence, or save your life. The zookeeper learned the hard way that a certain angry gorilla with a disdain for the Oxford comma eats fruit, leaves and shoots. Fortunately, in that order.
However, of all the institutions of learning I've attended and/or escaped from, it was at Lake Lachrymose Cooking School where I learned about the proper use of bananas.
Mr. Remora's Bananas
The bananas of Mr. Remora were savagely abused. I'm sorry to have to tell you this, but that is how the story goes. Not only were they loathsomely eaten in front of innocent schoolchildren, but they were also repulsively smeared onto Mr. Remora's face and clothing, and their peels were recklessly strewn all over the floor.
The spectre of Mr. Remora's bananas, so boorishly mistreated, drove many members of the faculty and staff to a life of villainy in later years.
Mr. Remora's Bananas
Mr. Remora was driven to insantity due to a lack of adequate library resources. In a world too often governed by corruption and arrogance, it can be difficult to stay true to one's literary and philosophical principals, especially when the library is only open for 10 minutes each day. As a result, it's a well-known fact that Mr. Remora's quite bananas.
To my kind Webmaster,
I am posting this from an undisclosed location in the walk-in refrigerator at the Veblen Food Department in the city. I'm attaching a recipe for a Very Fancy Dish called Bananas Foster. Please post this recipe here, so that those who may be suffering from a lack of adequate library resources can avoid a life of villainy and banana abuse.
With all due respect,
Lynley Jones, Proprietress
P.S. Please alert members of the Volunteer Fire Department that this recipe involves flambe, a cooking technique which requires the use of flames.
Recipes
NEXT WEEK:
Dining in a Very Fasionable District
Return to A Series of Unfortunate Recipes: Season 2 homepage.
If you would like to avoid exposure to villainy and banana abuse, you can start by avoiding this book:
The classic dessert, with warm caramelized bananas and vanilla ice cream, topped with rum flambe sauce.